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Alfred Hitchcock

We've several uninvited feathered passengers on board tonight. What's worse is they've been eating fish curries and taking laxatives. Or so it seems!! It's a deluge of bird poo. Dawn will bring hours of cleaning to remove the smothering we are suffering. I never mind it raining men (hallelujah), I draw the line on it's raining poo. A girl's got to have standards. Tomorrow we need to figure out how to discourage these guests. They are not afraid of us so a scarecrow won't work. Even if we had a plastic bird of prey on board, these guys have never seen an owl or a hawk so that's not gonna work either. We could rummage in the bin for shiny lids and tie them to the pulpit? We could try shooting them with the hose? Vaseline on the rails? It's going to be an all out offensive tomorrow. Shock and Awe!! as that eejit Bush once said. Putin - watch and learn. Ruth's army is on the warpath.